A Sense of Humor Helps
If you get offended easily, this isn't the page for you. This records my attempts at humor to lighten my family's worry for me during a very trying time. I know not everyone will get it and I know some will be offended. But, this isn't here for you. It's here for the women it helps, by giving them an outlet onto something about HG that they can control.
When Clint is home, no matter what he's doing, he comes to me when he hears me being sick. If he is not home, one or both of my older children will come to me. We are concerned about a risk of falling since sometimes I vomit close to the point of collapse. It is like my body is bound and determined to get every single molecule of what it finds offensive out of me. It's fierce and exhausting work during those times.
All I can do is hang on for the ride, while they have to stand there, watch and pray, feeling helpless. I've been on the otherside. I've had to watch those I love be very ill. To me, watching them suffer and me not able to help is harder than actually being sick myself.
I don't like for my family to worry for me, so I try to lighten the moment by joking when I am able. The humor is pretty dark and tasteless, but so is the battle with HG. I know not many people will get this, but my family appreciates it and they always laugh. They tell me I have a good attitude and am spunky. I think I am a lunatic with a corny sense of humor and timing.
Although you have no control over the stomach muscles that make you vomit, you can control your attitude. When I can take a make a joke out of it, I am in control, not HG. I fight back mentally and joking is part of that fight. I am convinced that my mind is stronger than it's affect on my body. That means a lot to the woman who is going through HG and feels at it's mercy 24/7.
Another thing, when I can make a joke, my husband and children know I am OK mentally. They know it's whipping up on me, but I am hanging in there and not defeated. When I stop joking, they knows I need a boost to my spirits.
Picture a battle weary woman damp with perspiration and her hair in damp curls around her forehead. She is sitting on the toilet, leaning over a trashcan. She is too weak to stand. She is gagging, vomiting, drooling, spitting, red faced and near collapse. She finishes her battle and looks up at you...
...and starts to sing a few bars of "I Feel Pretty."
...and says "Wow, that was fun! Your turn!"
...and taps you on the arm and says "Tag. You're it."
...and says "Wow, I can't wait to do that again!"
...and says "Yeah, it was bad on me, but you've got to clean it up!"
...and says "Hey, what's cooking that smells so good?"
...and offers a kiss.
...and says "If they start vomiting as an Olympic Sport, I'm ready to compete!"
...and asks "Do you think that one was a 4.5 or a 4.8?"
...and says to her husband "I'm not sure, but I think I might be allergic to you."
...and asks "Where's the beef?"
...and asks "What's for supper?"
...and waits a few minutes and then says with amazement, "You know, I feel empty inside."
...and says "Sick as a dog? Funny, I've never seen a dog this sick!"
...and says "If I was a horse doing this, you'd have mercy and shoot me."
...and asks "What in the world did you put in that soup you made me?!!"
...and comments "You know, I don't seem to like my own cooking any more."
...and whispers "Yipee!"
...and says while pointing "They should model that fake vomit after that one! It's gross!!"
..and she rubs her stomach and says with wonderment "You know, I just don't feel that great."
She misses the trash can, vomits on the floor and says "Well, last time it was the dog." or counts on her fingers as she says "Chair, dog, ferret, cat, myself, and now the floor. That makes 6 different surfaces this time around!"
She is in the middle of the vomit and says "Wow, this is fun. I hope there is more to come."
Sniffs and says "Does that smell OFF to you?"
She runs through the list for every slang term of vomit.
She declares "I am not pregnant, I am barf-egnant!!"
Vomit Joke:
Two vomits are walking down the street. All of a sudden one
begins to cry.
"What’s wrong?" asks the other. "Oh
nothing... it's just that this is where l was brought up."
Vomit Experiment for Homeschool:
I call my pregnancies BARF-EGNANCIES!