How I Found Fulfillment and Meaning
When you consider the influences I had growing up, it seems almost a divine miracle that I am a stay at home mother. It seems even more amazing that I am a mother with five children and one on the way.
As a child, I constantly heard advice like:
"Have your children young and close together. Then, get your tubes tied. Raise them up and get them out of the house so you can still be young enough to enjoy YOUR life."
"Don't shortchange yourself by being nothing than a mother."
"If you are "just a mother," you are 'just nothing.'"
"Don't waste your fine mind and talents by being a stay at home mother."
"God gave you a great mind. Get out into the world and make something of yourself. Get an education to further your mind and grow as a person. Don't cheat yourself by raising children and relying on a man."
All of these comments came from three Christian women who had significant influence in my life. I listened to their advice and later, when it came time to make my choices, looked at their lives. I didn't like what I saw.
One was a tired, grumpy, and often cruel woman who worked for a company who never promoted her or expanded her mind through education or experience. She often made comments that led me to believe she hated her job and resented her family. I rejected her advice based on what I saw in her life. Her walk with God was stagnant. I did not want to be like her.
The other two woman were also grumpy and discontent. They had "good" jobs which they complained about endlessly. Their lives were boring and filled with long days sitting in a stuffy, dreary office at a desk doing work they could care less about. I can not remember a time of seeing them filled with laughter or expressing joy. Their work had no meaning for them other than a paycheck. Again, I rejected their advice based on their example. I did not want to be like them either.
Each of those women had one thing in common. They did not value children or mothering as God does. In fact, they despised and belittled them. If one takes the time to study Scripture, it is pretty clear how highly God values both children and mothering.
Terrorfied of becoming like the unhappy women who were giving me advice, and countless more around me, I cried out to the Lord at the beginning of my marriage and pleaded with Him to make my path clear and straight. The examples I had put fear into me. "Oh Lord, please don't let me be like that." I was convinced that if I discovered what it was that God had designed for Wendy, I would have joy, peace and great delight. It was through prayer and Bible study that I became convinced that God's plan for me was written in Titus 2:3-5. I was "to be sober, to love my husband, to love my children, To be a discreet, chaste, keeper at home, good, obedient to my husband, that the word of God be not blasphemed."
It wasn't easy for me to obey, with my husband's blessing, what I felt God putting on my heart. (Once God led me to this, Clint revealed that he never wanted me working anyway and that he desired his future children had a stay at home mother.) Everyone woman I knew was either working or studying towards a career. I did not have children at the time, so everyone felt they had to input on our decision. I faced criticism from family and friends when I quit working. One person told me that I was a "burden to Clint" and that I "should pull my own weight and contribute equally." The attacks grew nastier the longer I stayed out of work. I knew this was a challenge to my obedience. By the grace of God, I kept my mouth shut and prayed that God would open their eyes to what He was doing in my life.
I have found every piece of those three women's advice to be a lie. Mothering is challenging, meaningful and often tiring work. What I am doing isn't making some executive richer, but is making the Kingdom of God richer. What I do will last an eternity. Staying at home has given me MORE opportunities for growth and education. The large range of skills I have developed is impressive and tailored exactly to what interests me and benefits my family and friends. Because I have so many opportunities available to me, I have to say no to many of them. My life is full of joy. I delight in my many roles, my husband and mostly in my children. I laugh every day and my life is full of adventure and excitement. I do rely on a man. His name is Jesus Christ (fully God, fully man)and He supplies all of my needs, some of those through my godly husband, Clint.
Now, I have had scores of women tell me they envy my happy life and wonder how I got here. I am often sought out for advice on everything from herbal medicine to homeschool to mothering. I think back to those women and their misguided advice and feel sorry that they missed out on so much because they belittled and devalued children and the rearing of them. One of them has since told me she wished she had done it all different. All of them had problems in relationships with their children. Two of them have estranged children. Is it any wonder when they placed such low value on them and spoke these negative opinions so openly in front of them?
I am so very grateful I escaped the same existence as those women. I am so very glad I didn't follow that advice because right here is where I belong. I am so very thankful and humbled that God would put someone as flawed and hopeless as me in such a noble position as mothering. People are amazed at my confidence when I tell them I know that I am right where God wants me to be, doing what He want me to do. That certainty comes from His Word and my relationship with Him. My life isn't perfect. Like everyone else, I have struggles and disappointments, but overwhelmingly, my life is extremely good and I am very happy.
My advice to young women seeking their place in this world is this: "Don't listen to anyone other than that still quiet voice of your Father Who loves you so very much. Seek His will. Obey His Word. Keep the things He says are important as priorities. Stay close to Him. In His protective shadow, you will find unconditional love, rest, joy, peace and fulfillment."
My advice to women with discontent in their lives is to reevaluate where you are in your relationship with God. Pray for clarity and understanding of His Word. Be honest with yourself about what you read in Scripture even when it makes you uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to do what you feel God leading you to do even when you seem to be the only one doing it! In obeying Him, sometimes we have to do things we didn't think we'd like or were even possible at first. Once we get into the habit of trusting and obeying, it becomes painless because it turns into joyful and exciting work as He blesses and grows us. Don't let the fallible advice or criticism of others keep you from experiencing all the good things God has to waiting for you.